Cooking with Papa Pooey - Win your Remote Control!

My dog Biscuit was shaved at Petco two weeks ago. Never again. The MalteyPoo looks like something out of a Save the Children commercial. So scrawny even the starving wouldn't eat it. My intention was to remove the clumps of matted fur that have been billowing outwards since the day I purchased him 8 months ago. Doggy dreds flowing, he strutted into the grooming area - Biscuit was RastaPoo. So cool, what style. I really liked the dirty dog look - but not my wife. I had to do something to win her heart over again. It has been an uphill battle since Biscuit has chewed and dug up every bit of dirt and irrigation pipe in the backyard. M'lady, who at 4 months pregnant, is in the mode of clearing out all the clutter from the house - Biscuit is included. So I thought a little trim might put off the inevitable. Biscuit saw himself in the mirror the night we returned and instantly developed low self esteem. Today he walks timidly, with a pronounced slouch and shakes at the sight of scissors. Pitiful. Maybe I'll change his name to Bosco to make him seem tougher than he looks.

NOW ON TO THE SUBJECT

Today I want to tell you unemployed dads how to become an asset to the family. It starts with doing what your wife asks or even demands of you.

I know I lost over half of you already.

Now goodbye to the other half...

The other thing you have to do is be the sole chef of the house. And get good fast. I say this to all the jobless husbands and boyfriends who are lucky enough to have someone care enough to tell you to use your brain and to do things less half ass than you normally do things. I'm under close scrutiny right now and it's all of my own doing. So what do I do to get my woman to mutter even a few words of satisfaction? I feed her!

Here's a quick recipe. Cost - don't know. I call this dish PAPATATTA and invented it on the spot as my wife and stepson complained that we had nothing good to eat for dinner.

• Lightly grease a small baking dish
• Heat the oven to 350 degrees
• Grab the two stale cornmuffins that you have in the back of the fridge. If they are NOT green with mold, they are good to use. Break them into tiny crumbs over the entire dish
• Mix 3 eggs, diced tomato, and diced chunks of meat (I used last night's barbequed steak bits)
• Spread the mixture over the crumbs
• Bake for 15 minutes
• Cut and serve. Good for a family of 3-4(if the fourth is the size of a MalteyPoo)

You might get a thanks from the family, but don't count on it. Just be satisfied that you may get command of the remote control for an hour.

Life can be tolerable if you are clean and love yourself. Others will tolerate you if you surprise them with a good meal on a regular basis. This is my experience. Take it or leave it!