I Eat A Lot

If you want to surprise yourself, try recording what you eat for one day.

Even when I'm consciously regulating my portions and honestly recording my intake, I'm still a P-I-G.

1500 calories a day is my goal. Yesterday, I consumed 3000. 1000 of those at 2AM! I was so close going to bed and satisfied with my first real attempt to control my eating. But I've got a whopper of a midnight snacking disorder. Half asleep and in need of immediate satisfaction, I grab for anything in the fridge or on the shelf.

I have not given up. This is only the beginning. But I tell you, if you want to really get honest with yourself, accurately record what you DO not what you want to do.

Keep It Clean!

Papa Pooey

Crowned and Hungry

I have the best dentist in the world. He placed a temporary crown over my recently unrooted left molar. What a difference a good dentist makes. He anesthetized the area in three different phases. Not two as most dentists seem to do. I never felt a pinch.

30 minutes later, I was on a face to face consultation call and nobody could tell that I had a slight paralysis of my left jaw. The doctor knew that I had an important date and used the perfect amount of pain killer to work on me. It feels so good to have a functioning set of teeth again. I'm learning not to take such things for granted. Today, I can say that I am grateful for my teeth, my liver and my colon. Everything's OK today!

Which brings me to the subject of eating well.

I'm on a 1500 calorie diet plan. It's a plan - I didn't say I was practicing it. Today, was my first honest attempt and why not? I have to avoid a lot of foods with this temporary crown. This morning somebody asked me what my favorite food is. I admitted that Oreo's and Milk is my absolute top item. Nothing can beat a 9 second dunk in ice cold milk, even skim milk!

So, to those who swear that tomorrow will be the first day of your new plan - Go out with a bang. Grab an entire row of Oreo's, give the rest away and pour yourself a massive glass of ice cold milk. Even better, chill that glass before you pour. And then enjoy as the seconds melt away while you devour the most perfect food invented.

That's all the calories that you can have today so forget about eating anything else. But hey, it was worth it wasn't it? Now tomorrow morning, it's one cup of decaf coffee black, 1/2 a bagel with a pat of cream cheese and 1/2 a banana for breakfast. Tomorrow I'll let you know how I finished the day with lunch and dinner and managed to stay on the 1500 calorie plan.

Keep it Clean,

Papa Pooey

Volleyball and Lavender

I'm meeting some new friends today for beach volleyball and I'm dreading the experience. Mostly because I talked up some pretty good stories about my skills. Most of which were practiced over 15 years ago.

So here I am, about to get exposed. Which makes me want to escape and do something else. I'll plant lavender! Yes, it's a far cry from getting covered in sand diving to recover a spiked ball. I completely dug up the front portion of the yard - cutting out rose bushes and raking up the decorative rocks that surrounded them. Back breaking work for those that have tried to remove their rose bushes. So now the yard looks like No Man's Land. I'm obsessed with filling the desolate space with lavender. From what I've seen on You Tube, lavender is easy to grow and doesn't require a lot of care. The roses never had a chance with me as their caretaker.

I started this blog with the intent to help men put together a nice meal for their family. I don't have any good culinary advice today as I am still enjoying the leftovers from my mother in law's cooking spree last week. So, go ahead - invite your mother in law over and let her take over the cooking while I continue to enjoy my delicious meals.

Keep it Clean,

Papa Pooey

POST NOTE: 6 hours later: I played three games of beach volleyball and held my own. My shoulder is killing me but I played hard and the crew invited back to take on challengers next week. I was so energized that on my return, I removed the lavender we had in the back yard and planted that in the front yard. I ran out of plants but I'll get more as soon as I can. There wasn't enough sunlight in the day today!

Getting Schooled in Using the Tools

It's been two days since my last post. I'm already on vacation as I'm not needed in the kitchen for a while. My mother in law is in town and she's teaching me a thing or two in the kitchen. Watching her cook and prepare for the meals, I see that our styles are completely different. I've been coming from the angle of making just enough for the people at the table. Ev makes enough for a basketball team! And even more amazing, she uses the proper utensils! Up to now I took pride in the fact that I can prepare an entire meal from preparation to serving with a pizza slicer and a piece of tin foil. I've done it and, In fact, I think I prefer it that way.

Which brings me to the realization that I am not using all the options that I have available to me. The utensils, untasted spices, unheard of food in the shelves. I'm just flying by on what I'm familiar with and what interests only me. Self Centered Chef! There's a whole world of taste that lies right under my nose.

No new recipes tonight. Someday, I'll share the recipe for Ev's Enchiladas and the Pork Chops she made last night. Remember, I'm on vacation. So, I'll just go and relax by the tele with my dozing wife and Biscuit... OK, and sneak a big chunk of the Trader Joe's Flourless Chocalate Cake that I found hidden near the toaster! Thanks, Mom!

Keep It Clean,

Papa Pooey

Even weeds produce flowers

2/24/08 - I've been cooking meals for the family every day since the Superbowl. That includes setting the table and doing the dishes. I did it out of necessity at first. My pregnant wife, has no energy after a day at the office and my stepson would just as easily settle for waffles and smoothies for dinner. So, I took control of the kitchen and I tell you, strange things are starting to happen.

Around 5 PM tonight, I started concocting some kind of meal. (Hey, Impatient One, you'll get your recipe soon enough, so just read on!) My son was at the side of the house poking around the ivy that covers the strip of clay slope - not his normal spot to cause damage. What do you know, 10 minutes later, he shows up with a handful of yellow flowers that bloomed off the unpicked weeds. He then asks me to PLEASE find a vase for him and proceeds to lay it on the dining table alongside a shell from Bora Bora that my wife and I got as a gift from a pearl dealer. Then he goes out and gets another fistful of purple flowers that burst out of another clump of future compost and makes another arrangement. In addition, he helps me set the table. Believe it or not!

We then called my daughters, who live with their mother, after dinner to tell them about the flowers. Apparently, on one of their visits to my house, the kids planted weeds in different parts of our property. Well, now those weeds are growing flowers and the kids are jazzed about it! I call this progress for a new situation in life for all of us. We are all getting used to the idea that there are some new family members to live with or at the very least, tolerate. Today, I don't look at weeds as my rival and enemy in the yard. I think that this Spring, their planted weeds will get a reprieve and be allowed to stay in the yard.

The unemployment check is running late so the shopping is postponed for a day. Taking this as a challenge, I had to come up with something that would at the very least satisfy. I call the dish PapaPasta. It fed 3 and we still have leftovers for my wife's lunch or my 2AM snack. We'll see!

• Grab that frozen chicken breast and place it in a ziplock bag with Teriyaki Sauce. I forgot to pull it out earlier, so I held the bag under warm water for an hour.
• Place the chicken in a skillet with 1/2 cup of water and some olive oil and cook at medium heat till chicken is juicy and tender and not raw inside.
• pour 1 cup of frozen peas from Trader Joe's into 2 inches deep of water in a small pot. Cook on medium until they get warm enough to eat.
• dice a fresh tomato and let it chill in the fridge
• Grab a fistfull (2 inch diameter) of spaghetti and place in boiling water till it gets tender enough for you.
• Place the pasta on each dish and top with chopped chicken chunks, peas and the diced tomatoes.
• Sprinkle each dish with parmesan cheese at the table for each person. It gives the impression of class and distinction - like at Olive Garden.

You'll be surprised at how one piece of chicken can satisfy a growing family.

Biscuit ate dogfood. But we didn't have to thanks to some clever use of the freezer food and a little love.

Visit tomorrow night when I tell you what I come up with next. Will it be canned cuisine or will that check come in and give us a night to remember? Only God knows!

Keep it Clean,

Papa Pooey

Cooking with Papa Pooey - Win your Remote Control!

My dog Biscuit was shaved at Petco two weeks ago. Never again. The MalteyPoo looks like something out of a Save the Children commercial. So scrawny even the starving wouldn't eat it. My intention was to remove the clumps of matted fur that have been billowing outwards since the day I purchased him 8 months ago. Doggy dreds flowing, he strutted into the grooming area - Biscuit was RastaPoo. So cool, what style. I really liked the dirty dog look - but not my wife. I had to do something to win her heart over again. It has been an uphill battle since Biscuit has chewed and dug up every bit of dirt and irrigation pipe in the backyard. M'lady, who at 4 months pregnant, is in the mode of clearing out all the clutter from the house - Biscuit is included. So I thought a little trim might put off the inevitable. Biscuit saw himself in the mirror the night we returned and instantly developed low self esteem. Today he walks timidly, with a pronounced slouch and shakes at the sight of scissors. Pitiful. Maybe I'll change his name to Bosco to make him seem tougher than he looks.

NOW ON TO THE SUBJECT

Today I want to tell you unemployed dads how to become an asset to the family. It starts with doing what your wife asks or even demands of you.

I know I lost over half of you already.

Now goodbye to the other half...

The other thing you have to do is be the sole chef of the house. And get good fast. I say this to all the jobless husbands and boyfriends who are lucky enough to have someone care enough to tell you to use your brain and to do things less half ass than you normally do things. I'm under close scrutiny right now and it's all of my own doing. So what do I do to get my woman to mutter even a few words of satisfaction? I feed her!

Here's a quick recipe. Cost - don't know. I call this dish PAPATATTA and invented it on the spot as my wife and stepson complained that we had nothing good to eat for dinner.

• Lightly grease a small baking dish
• Heat the oven to 350 degrees
• Grab the two stale cornmuffins that you have in the back of the fridge. If they are NOT green with mold, they are good to use. Break them into tiny crumbs over the entire dish
• Mix 3 eggs, diced tomato, and diced chunks of meat (I used last night's barbequed steak bits)
• Spread the mixture over the crumbs
• Bake for 15 minutes
• Cut and serve. Good for a family of 3-4(if the fourth is the size of a MalteyPoo)

You might get a thanks from the family, but don't count on it. Just be satisfied that you may get command of the remote control for an hour.

Life can be tolerable if you are clean and love yourself. Others will tolerate you if you surprise them with a good meal on a regular basis. This is my experience. Take it or leave it!